Heart of Stone and the Lost Gravitas of the Spy Thriller

This ad by Netflix was the most interesting line in the entire movie.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t in the movie.

Not even the combined star power of Gal Gadot as the titular Rachel Stone and Jamie Dornan as Agent Parker (in yet another role as a toxic, beautiful man), could make me take this film seriously.

The cinematography, the visuals, the production value are impeccable and showcases high-level filmmaking by Netflix.

The script, however, feels like it was churned from an AI app.

Even the Netflix blurb is nothing new.
"No friends. No relationships. No life beyond her next mission for the Charter. Secret agent Rachel Stone has never broken the rules - until now."
It sounds.... like every other spy story you know.

In the opening mission of the film, in order to establish to the audience that Stone is a badass secret agent disguised as a non-field tech expert, she somehow clumsily slips in the snow and tells her team to go ahead of her.

Her team couldn't spare the few seconds for her to pick herself up from the snow and drives to the mission without her, while she secretly kicks ass on her own using top-level communications from Jack, an ally from the Charter played by Matthias Schweighöfer.

The dialogue leaves much to be desired. Case in point:

Ten minutes in...

Spy’s teammate: You got this.
Spy: Thanks.

Spy’s teammate: Get us out of here, fast.

Last ten minutes:

Spy: You'll never have the one thing I'll always have.
Villain: <Scoffs> And what’s that?

Needless to say, it was hard to watch with a straight face.

So why the need to write this review if this was the way I felt about the film?

It was just an exercise in mindful watching. You don’t immediately jump into the next film for a palate-cleanse after seeing something you don’t like. You pause, sit in it, process your thoughts, stay mindful. At the very least, exercise expressing yourself, and it won’t feel like too much of a waste of time.

Not all reviews of this show are bad. It can still be enjoyed along the lines of the genre of dumb fun. If you're just looking for picturesque, expensively-shot white noise, it works.