The Idea of Being an Older Woman

“Oh right, did I not warn you? People hate happy women.” - Tracy (The Idea of You)

While the romance is forgettable in “The Idea of You,” it makes us take a second look at how society treats older women in general.

The most interesting main character here is the 3rd party, the elephant in the room: their age gap.

In this film based on a novel, Anne Hathaway is Solène, a forty-year-old divorced art dealer who is swept up in a whirlwind romance with a 24-year-old boy band singer Hayes, portrayed by Nicholas Galitzine.

Since the title already frames the movie as a fantasy, we don’t have to go into how unrealistic the plot is. We won’t launch into a detailed debate on the propriety of a middle-aged divorcee dating a younger man, nor comment on her parenting, nor their chemistry levels onscreen.

Why is it notable? And why is aging in general so scary in the first place?

Is it what you can’t do anymore physically, because of the inevitable physical decline? Or is it what society says you can’t do anymore? Wear certain fashion, live certain lifestyles, learn new skills, follow seemingly overdue dreams, and so on?

Whatever it is, I think it’s safe to say that aging is especially scarier for women.

And this film kind of proves it.

For women, it’s not just physiological concerns but social pressure. We’re conditioned to think that 26-year old women are “old” and men’s lives begin at 40. For some reason, for women, age can typically be used as a trump card in ways that sting in vicious ways. In some cultures, especially more so.

Society makes it particularly questionable when a woman is not married at a certain age, doesn’t have kids at a certain age, doesn’t live a certain way at a certain age. And these women are led to question themselves too, if they haven’t yet. 

“The people on the internet that are picking you apart are disgusting. It’s ‘cause you’re a woman, and it’s cause you’re older than him. They hate you for it. So that’s just hypocritical and unfair. And wrong.” - Izzy (The Idea of You)

And well, the viewers didn’t expect otherwise. It wasn’t surprising to the audience that the internet won’t pounce on the older woman for dating the younger celebrity. We expected this cruelty in the film. The same way we’ve gotten used to people being casually cruel to older women in the real world.

There’s a particularly relatable scene where Solène is at a party with other parents who know she is divorced, and some of the men shoot their shots with her. One in particular, pretended he was separated, too, and while trying to gain Solène’s sympathy, is called by his wife on the phone.
 
In general, people seem to think that older women are slim pickings… and treat them as such. Even if it’s likely nobody has measured up to the standards of these women yet. But that’s another conversation.

In summary, the real value of the film is in its probably accidental ageism and gender sensitivity exercise rather than the functional escapism it offers.

Aging is inevitable for everyone, but it shouldn’t deter us from pursuing what we want in life, no matter how old our dreams may be.